Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
im holly from the hills drunk
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
