Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
