this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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