some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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