Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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