Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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