He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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