it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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