If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
