Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
