I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You took a bar mat shot.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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