Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
