super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
