Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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