i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
this is an emotional support booty call
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
