As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
