we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
