Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
