I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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