Do you still have your period?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
