I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
