Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
