Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
