i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
