Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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