the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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