I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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