Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
