i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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