I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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