the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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