she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
