I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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