Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
