i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
