Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
