On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
