I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
