This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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