My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
