the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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