we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
