"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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