The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
