We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize