I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
