i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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