When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
