im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
