when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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