Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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