Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
