There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
