i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
