In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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