Pappa wants mamma naked
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
