He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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