Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
