I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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