just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
