I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
