she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
