I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
