Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
