I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
