My room smells like vodka and shame
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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