Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
