I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
