spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
