i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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