I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
